There are only two things you need to know about The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. The first is that Stephen Sommers, writer-director of both The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, is neither writer nor director. (IMDB lists him as the uncredited screenwriter, way back in 2001.) His replacement, Rob Cohen, has to his credit titles like xXx, Stealth, and The Skulls, a list that does not instill confidence in your average movie critic. The second thing to know is Rachel Weisz does not reprise the role of beautiful librarian and adventuress Evey O’Connell. That role is instead played by Maria Bello, one of the finest actresses in the movie business today. I wonder if she’s as eager to forget this movie as I am.

Briefly: it’s 20 years later and the adventuring O’Connells (Brendan Fraser as Rick, Bello as Evey) have retired into extravagant luxury in post-War England, promising each other they’ll enjoy some quiet time after years spent as spies for the Allies. Their son Alex (Luke Ford), now grown and allergic to staying in school, has picked up where his parents left off. He’s with a professor friend digging up the tomb of the “Dragon Emperor” (Jet Li), and wouldn’t you know it, the expository introduction tells us the Emperor was a greedy, arrogant bastard who betrayed the woman (Michelle Yeoh) who gave him immortality and was subsequently cursed into becoming a terra cotta warrior, along with all his army. One series of extraordinarily improbable events later, and the Emperor is back from the dead and eager to raise his immortal army. Guess who gets to stop him?

They get help from Lin (Isabella Yeong), a young wire-fighting ninja whose cadence is so odd her voice may well have been dubbed. Stiffly. She has the one knife that can slay the Emperor, a keen knowledge of the whereabouts of the Chinese Fountain of Youth, and CGI allies introduced in a jaw-dropping non-sequitor that jarred me out of an already shallow immersion experience. The story really only consists of Lin saying that the O’Connells must not let the Mummy reach plot point X, and then, after an action sequence, the Mummy reaches plot point X. This happens at least three times, peppered by the obligatory car chase, fisticuffs, and epic-undead-army battle.

Watching this movie, I couldn’t help but think of the many other movies, books, and video games that had done many of the same scenes better. And first. Hey, those two villains getting crushed by grinding gears—that sure looks a lot like that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Those hordes of ancient Chinese soldiers fighting each other sure look a lot like the Dynasty Warrior games. (My friend was reminded of God of War.) And hey! That’s that line Rick O’Connell’s said in every single one of these movies!

These might be excusable sins if the special effects and witty banter were more special and witty, but both only seem to have a passing resemblance to the formula that made the previous films work. Li and Yeoh are underused, buried under CGI effects and too-close fight sequences that don’t allow them to show their stuff. That the CGI effects are shoddy—some would not have passed muster in the original Mummy, which came out in 1999—only exacerbates the stink of half-assedness that permeates every scene. No one appears to be having much fun.

The past two summers have seen a glut of sequels that fall into the category of either “brilliant continuation of the series” or “strained and unnecessary,” and The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor fits snugly into this last category. Possessing none of the hokey charm of the first movie, nor the hilarious insanity of the second, Tomb is simply inept and uninteresting. When you put aside revenue, the question of why this movie exists has no answer.